Keep It Simple, Stupid

Although Valentine’s Day is not in the near future, it appears that love is in the air. Last Saturday, 6 July, the UK celebrated its National Kissing Day.

As an American, can you imagine my surprise to learn that Brits dedicate an entire day to snogging (that’s British for kissing)? For my fellow non-Brits who don’t know how to celebrate this holiday, I browsed the Internet for helpful tips, and I compiled a list of what apparently are the worst kisses:

  1. The Chicken Peck: attack of the little pecks, no further action
  2. The Washing Machine: tongue rolls around uncontrollably like a spin cycle
  3. The Biter: when the other person bites you so much, that you walk away with bloody and pained lips
  4. The French: tongue. lots and lots of tongue (not to be confused with the Washing Machine which is a specific technique)
  5. Puppy Love: for some reason, the person mistakes your face for an ice cream cone, and your face is slathered with saliva

For anyone needing more examples, here is a visual of 10 poorly executed snogs:

But not all snogs are as tragic as those. For an example of an expertly done kiss, look no further than Auguste Rodin’s The Kiss.

1
Auguste Rodin, The Kiss,
Marble, 181.5 x 112.5 x 117 cm,
Musée Rodin, París

The Kiss by Auguste Rodin is currently at the National Gallery of Scotland.  The exhibition will run until 2 February 2014. Alternatively, you can pick up Rodin or Love from Parkstone International.

-D.R.